If you lost someone dear to you, please know how sorry we are, and that we understand what a tough time you are going through. In this time of pain, we know firsthand how confusing it can be to know what to do next. So we’ll try to make it a bit easier by outlining some simple first steps below:
Get support. Inevitably, the first days and weeks after loss are some of the most challenging, and very difficult to navigate alone. Look to immediate family, close friends or relatives to help you navigate the next few days. Give them a call and ask for their support. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.
Make sure you have a legal pronouncement of death. If your loved one died in a hospital or other facility, the doctor or staff will automatically do this, but if your loved one died at home, or elsewhere without a medical professional present, make sure you call 911 immediately to have someone come and pronounce the death. This is the first step to getting a death certificate, which you will need for just about everything.
Think about their wishes. Is there something in particular your loved one wanted for their service? It could be written in their will or maybe they just mentioned it in passing. Check with family members to see if they remember what was important. Maybe it’s something the family is used to doing, maybe it’s a religious tradition, or even something totally unique.
If you’re still unsure of what to do, it can help to think about what your loved one was like. Were they free spirits, or more set in their ways? Did they love the ocean or beach? Were they big hikers or nature-lovers? Were they artistic, musical, or love fashion? Were they a social butterfly, or did they like to keep to themselves? Did they have a mission or charitable cause they were passionate about?
Remembering your loved one for who they were in life can help clear up what they might want after passing. Ultimately, you’ll need to decide whether to cremate, whether to find and contact a funeral home to handle the body, where any sort of service might be held, and where and when the body or ashes will be interred.
Spread the word. You can have your support network help you with this. In the time following a loss, often a therapeutic and productive thing to do is collect memories of your loved one. These could be stories, photos, videos, articles, quotes — anything that would help memorialize who they were in life. This is also one of the easiest ways to spread the word about the loss and post the details about any sort of service that you choose to hold.
Although not your only option, we think a Digital Memory is a great way to accomplish all this — that’s why we built it.
1) Create a page for your loved one. It will live forever unless you ask us to take it down.
2) Personalize the style and content of your Memory.
3) Share a short link to spread the word.
4) Collect tributes from those who received the link. This way, you’ll have all your memories of your loved one in one place.
Commemorate. Once you’ve spread the word, think about a personal way to commemorate as well as what would help you get through this time of grief. When people hear the news, they’ll want to call you or send you something. Usually it’s flowers, but in our experience, an overabundance of flowers isn’t always soothing or productive.
One option is to use our Registry feature to create cash funds or collect donations to charity. We think this is a great way to redirect sympathetic efforts to something more productive or useful during the grieving and commemoration process.
Some other things you’ll need in the short term. It’s a long process when someone passes, and the steps below are just the beginning. Below is a list of other things you’ll need to get done immediately, that we wish someone had told us when we went through it:
- Secure any sort of property. Make sure houses, cars, cash, jewelry, etc. are all locked up until you can sort out details of the estate
- Did your loved one have any pets? You can have a close friend or relative temporarily take care of them until you find a permanent home for them
- Notify the loved one’s place of work, if they were still employed, and be sure to ask about benefits, paychecks or any sort of life insurance
- Have USPS start mail forwarding to your address — you’ll need to know what accounts, bills, or subscriptions need to be paid and cancelled
We know there’s a lot to think about, and if you’re like us, you probably don’t want to do any of it. This is why it’s crucial to have support. Just one person by your side can make a big difference. If you take things one step at a time, we know you can get through this.
Be sure to check back for one of our future posts on long term to-dos, beginning two weeks after death and covering common steps that should be taken over the next year or so.
